i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
