I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
