Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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