U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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