i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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