Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
