Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
