I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
