It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
