This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
