I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
