That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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