Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
