So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
