Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
