She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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