the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
