i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
