Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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