does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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