The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
