I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
