Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
