I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
