You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
