Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
