I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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