There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
