i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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