You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
