I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
send nudes
from the living room?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
