who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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