forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is my gift to your gina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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