I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
