hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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