I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.