i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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