She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
