i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
