I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
