I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
