Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
are you so shy because you have an std?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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