So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
