Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
