its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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