dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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