I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
