I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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