i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
