if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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