Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
