I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
