I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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