Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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