Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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