I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
