If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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