3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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