just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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