I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want her autograph on my taint
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
