Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
