Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
