I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
