Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize