i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
