Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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