Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
