gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
