somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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