I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
