At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
