i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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