Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
