My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
