I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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