how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a beard to bite.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
