I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
