Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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