You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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