I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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