Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
