We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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